Review of Heather of Soft Touch Bodyworks, Northampton

Click here to report a concern about this review

Click here for a PDF printable version

First floor "office" in an industrial estate. Plenty of parking in nearby shops lot. Not too discreet with a couple of cafes on the ground floor, but no big problem unless you mind walking in through the breakfast/lunch crowd. The "parlour" is pretty grubby. Very expensive showers/plumbing (higher quality than most of us have at home, I suspect) but the rest is not terribly nice. Years-old incense candles still in their plastic wrap give it that air of cheapness that always results when someone is trying too hard to achieve the opposite effect (hint: take the candles out of their wrappers and light them if you want the place to actually look/smell nice). Frayed, tired, bedding. Beds that saw their best days during the Napoleonic wars, etc.

Heather is petite. She is a true spinner. Short (around 5'). Very little body fat. Small, but fantastic boobs (firm, shapely). Shaved. Think gymnast and you'd be about right. Mid twenties would be my guess for age. With that said, hair (currently dark) has clearly been dyed, bleached, and dyed again to within an inch of its life, and quite heavily made up so not a lively and spritely natural spinner.

One of the dullest half hours I have ever spent. Even by parlour standards, engaging Heather in any kind of interaction was near impossible. From what I could discern from the attempts I made, she has absolutely nothing to say so perhaps wisely she chose to say nothing. Basically, she's quite a pretty girl. But beyond that, she came into the room. She massaged me (a vast over-statement. She disinterestedly ran her hands up and down my body for about 15 minutes). Then, she sat on the edge of the table and asked if I'd like to insert my penis in her. I did. Some minutes later, I came. She seemed not to notice initially, but when I withdrew (my penis hitting the inside of her thigh with a dull "thwack" as it exited) she acknowledged completion of the event, putting down her nail file monetarily as if to demonstrate the extent of her participation. I showered. I left.

Pity. Physically, I would see her again. But in terms of interaction, worst punt ever. Unless you have a predilection for bored girls in tatty parlours, there's an awful lot better within 30 minutes drive. And that's without even mentioning STBs elaborate-to-the-point-of-downright-tiresome pricing and service menu.

The establishment writes:

I believe that the above report has been written maliciously.

There are a number of half truths and a number of blatant errors in the report which make it very very suspicious.


1) There has not been two cafe's at either side of the entrance for a number of months

2) The room descriptions are impossible ! He is describing things of the rooms but these can only be through describing a number of our different rooms as one

We only have candles in one room which has a very basic shower, the "nice" showers as he has "described" are not in rooms with candles nor do they have any tables.

3) The date and time of his visit is impossible ! He states that he visited at 11 am on Monday 2nd July which is impossible. On this day we did not open until 1pm due to the fact that all of the local roads were closed due to the Olympic torch relay passing through Northampton.

NONE of our bedding is frayed and our establishment is certainly not "grubby" !

We have one room that is not up to our normal standards as we are waiting for the delivery of a new jacuzzi before its renovation but the others have been recently redecorated.

I have never rebutted 'poor' reports that have been received in the past as I am not arrogant enough as to think that all clients will always be pleased with the service that they received, but I truly believe that this particular report is false and a deliberate attempt to damage our reputation.