Review of Sophie of House of Divine, London

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Nice clean tastefully furnished flat in nice area. Easy walk from the nearest tube.

Sophie is defo an ace looking sheila in her 40s with long blonde hair. Made of the stuff that gives blokes in the outback frequent wet dreams and keeps sheep safe at night.

Really classy. Classier than any bird at Flemington reacecourse on Melbourne Cup day. Reckon her old man's a duke or something like that. She must doing this line of work to pay off death duties.

G'day all. Flew in from a land downunder. Got bored with the inflight movies so I let me thoughts wander while putting down endless supplies of the amber nectar. I was hornier than a dingo surrounded by a pack of bitches on heat by the time I landed in Heathrow. Really needed to bang like a dunny door. Luckily a mate back home had told me about House of Divine and they were the first attraction I checked out when I got into town.

Struck gold when I booked Sophie. She's a top sheila and it was a real bonzer of a punt. Fair dinkum it was.

Sophie entered the room wearing quality lingerie and a big happy smile before I had a chance to get me strides off. She said it was good to see me and asked how I was. Caught her staring at me groin and thought she was going to ask whether I had a didgeridoo in my pocket but she merely commented I had a nice tan. “Only poms on holiday have tans where I come from. I'm part aborigine.” I explained and recited a ditty about two wallabies and a boomarang in the Pitjantjatjara language as proof.

At this point, she got onto her knees. I thought she might have mistaken me for Aussie nobility as I can trace me ancestry to a convict on the first fleet. Before I had chance to tell her she needn't curtsey, she unzipped me flies, got me todger out and put it straight into her mouth. I watched her her giving me a blowie in the full length mirror and she's a real expert, the best I've ever had. Strewth I could've blown me load within five secs had I not replayed the highlights of the 2018 test series in me head.

She did this for several minutes then she stood up straight and kissed me as if she meant it. Crikey, it was a real pash with tongues. Then she got on the bed and asked me what positions I liked. Coming from Queensland, cowgirl is always me natural choice so it was on with the franger for an excellent root. After several minutes she mentioned gently that we needed to finish soon so I asked for a handy shandy. It didn't take long before I shot. It was so powerful that several large dollops landed on my face. “I'll clean you up.” she said “There's too much there for wet ones so I better go the kitchen for the mop. Do you always come in such large quantities?”

“Only when I'm I'm in good hands” I replied trying my hardest to appear suave and sophisticated .